As I said in the intro to my post yesterday, this is a week of lists and favorites on the Managing Memorial blog. And today, I present to you not just a list, but a collection of brilliance uttered from the mouth of our own Ricky Reno. Ricky is the head maintenance man at Memorial Gym, and I encourage you to read this post before delving into the quotes below. Please enjoy:
BEFORE OUR GAME VERSUS GEORGIA, WHILE YELLING AND WEARING THE ABOVE OUTFIT:
"I'M BIG PIMPIN Y'ALL. BIG PIMPIN' IN THE BUILDING. Got this whole outfit for $13."
AFTER JOHN JENKINS DECLARED FOR THE NBA DRAFT, WHILE TALKING TO ROD ODOM:
"Now, Rod, you know big daddy goin to that NBA now. You gonna need to step up when daddy is gone, you need to be da new daddy Rod. John he gone, it's you now Rod. Needa be scorin some buckets next year, no more bullshittin now Rod. You needa step up, be da man, be dat big man now that daddy's gone. He ain't here no more Rod, you still here. John he gone. He makin money, he gone, he not comin back. Need big things from you Rod. Big things. Real big things. Be out there workin hard cause yous da man, you got that Rod? Yous da man."
AFTER WE LOST AT FLORIDA THIS YEAR 66-40, IN THE LOCKER ROOM AFTER WE GOT BACK:
"66-40 ain't that a bitch! Y'all need to find some other school to be playin' at, I can't be cleaning up for no losers. This shit is unacceptable, can't be havin this no more, nuh uh."
Rod Odom asks: Rick, you know Rob likes them ratchet girls?
Ricky: "Well you know some of them ratchets they be good for me some times. Those pretty lookin girls always be asking for something all the time. Buy me dinner, buy me lunch. Always needin money, well I need sex ho! The ugly ones always just happy to be with me, they know they lucky so they ain't so demanding on me. It be kinda nice sometimes."
"There was one time when I was here during the summer and I got stuck in one of dem elevators. It was like 3:00 in the mornin and it was the summer and it was real hot. I was one of the only people in the gym and I kept screamin 'Hellllllllpppppppppp. Helllllppppppppppp.' I was like one of those people in the 9/11 just screamin "Hellllllllppppppp. Helllllpppppppp'. Finally got out of there but you know I was real scared up in there"
"Girls be like buses, you miss one, you get the next one"
AFTER BEATING ARKANSAS IN THE SEC TOURNAMENT, BUT A GAME WHERE ROD MISSED A NUMBER OF FREE THROWS DOWN THE STRETCH:
"I'm watchin' the game with my friends and you be at that foul line and I'm tellin them you gonna make those shots cause every night you up there in the gym with Rob shootin them free throws. Swish. Swish. Swish. Then you in the game, everybody watchin, the bright lights and I'm like 'you got this'. Then it's CLANK, CLANK, and you missin them bitches. Come on now, can't be doin' clank, clank, all that time you practicin'"
WHILE IN THE LOCKER ROOM DURING THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME WITH ME, ROD ODOM, SHELDON JETER, ROB CROSS, AND AJ ASTROTH:
"Y'all need to be payin real close attention right now. You see that team out there, that team is some winners. They be winnin' the whole thing, the best team. Y'all are not the best team. You need to learn from them, listen to them, watch them, you can't be missin any of this. I need to be workin for a team like this, so you need to watch this and learn."
LATE NIGHT IN THE LOCKER ROOM WITH SHELDON JETER AND I. SHELDON HAD JUST ORDERED CHINESE TAKEOUT FOOD:
"You always eatin that Chinese food in here late at night. It stinkin' up the place, that shit stink. I need to start callin you Ching-Dong, Ding-Dong all that food you be eatin. You eatin' food and leavin it in here smelling, no wonder your girl never come around here no more. Y'all be bringin girls in here and they seein this shit, and they like 'Nuh uh, can't be messin with this man no more. This fuckin slob, nasty ass. Can't be havin it'.
And then your girls never come back, girls don't want to be with no man who can't take care of his shit. It just ain't attractive. If you lookin to bring a girl around, you need to clean your shit up, otherwise you just gonna be sittin here by yoself. No girl wanna see this shit, you wonder why you ain't have no girls around, look at this place. You ain't gettin laid, bringin no girls here. You can try to say, 'O baby, it's not that bad. I'm sorry I'll clean it up'. But one smell of this locker room and they get out, just nasty. Ain't got no time to here your bullshit."
AFTER GETTING HIM CUPCAKES FOR HIS 60TH BIRTHDAY:
"You my man, always lookin out for me. You know though I lost some weight last week. Lost myself a good 4 pounds so shouldn't be eatin this but you know I do love my sweets. Love myself some sweets."
(the next day, run into Ricky with my family, including my grandma who is anxious to know how expensive the cupcakes were because she had heard they were $5 each)
"Ma'am, I don't think they are that much ma'am. Five dollars seems a bit much for the cupcake. I'm thinkin more like $2.50 or $3 but I can assure you ma'am these are top, top o the line cupcakes. These are the real gourmet, top o the line cupcakes ma'am. These are the best cupcakes you gonna find, lots of icing on them. You know, if you lookin for a cheaper cupcake you can go down to the Cupcake Factory down on 6th Street, they got the cupcakes there for Dollar Fifty each. Not as much icing, but still some good cupcakes."
ON HIS EMPLOYMENT:
"You know I been here 13 years, don't know what they want my contract renewed aroun August. Tryin to come back, do you know (random name I don't know). Keep your ear to the ground, try to get yourself in on some of the gossip, some of the rumblins, see what they thinkin bout me. Tryin' to get that new contract."
(If Ricky is not back there will be program wide protests)
LATE NIGHT WHILE ON THE PHONE WITH A WOMAN:
"Some women call me Big Papi, but I want you to call me Daddy Romance."
"I'm not one of those real possessive types you know. Not one of those clingy guys. If you want to get with your boyfriend, your cousin, your girlfriend, you know that don't matter to me. As long as I get me some lovin', everything's alright."
"You got any kids? O you got two daughters. Where's the daddy at? He a hit and run daddy? Maybe a Drive-By Papi?"
(after he hangs up the phone, talking to me)
"This one is six feet tall. A big boo. She kinda a freaky young thang. 35 years old, already invitin me over. Met her payin my water bill yesterday. She was real into me."
"I keep my house to myself. It's a bachelor pad. Real fly. No roomates, no overnight visitors. Hit and quit. Can't support no one else."
"My other chick she 36 but she forgot my birthday so imma forget her lunch money next time she wants lunch. Keep her stomach growlin'."
"I'm goin to the new social club on Church Street for my birthday. Same club as the people who run the Jazz and Jokes Club downtown. My nephew says it's real nice. Goin' by myself in case I see somethin I like in there. If I bring a lady, can't bring no new lady back. Not takin that chance."
"I got some college students livin' next door and they got some fine young thangs comin' over on the weekends. Maybe I'm gonna ask them where they goin this weekend. Go out with them, spoil em with some of my old man money I get from hustlin them purses."